(Out doing a stargazing lab with Scott and a pack of chicks...)
Myself: (watching clouds roll in over Mizar) We're fucked, aren't we?
Chicks: (gasp and laugh)
Chickdar: Oh my God, I'm, like choking on my saliva over here! That word's taller than she is!
Myself: Yeah, can you tell what I'm doing right now?
Scott: Does it involve a middle digit?
Myself: TWO of them.

Came home and systematically shut down a chick on my English forum who was claiming that 10% of women who have blood transfusions after abortions get the hep. Realized that I take blatant misinformation presented as fact as a personal affront because it's really just intellectual bullying.

Not a bad day, really.


In snark news, update on Vibrator Company, and Inky, Zeiss and I have started in on a new project...Zeiss' description says it best:

First, a bit of explanation. “Femboy School”, as our next project is called, isn’t your average bad porno manga. Well, it started off as one, but the version we’re taking on is an edited (very badly - this thing looks like it‘s been floating around the internets since 2001) version by someone named “Nyar”. All my Google-fu has been able to turn up about this “Nyar” character is one post on an incest forum, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about Nyar. The man has issues, and boyyyy is he happy to show you them. This thing plays out like a cross between a bad femdom story and an equally bad Hawkwind album.

So join us, then, as the Fearless Spork Squad ventures to one man’s private hell, and comes out snarking.

Again, all links are NSFW LIEK WHOA ON SANDWICHES

This is SERIOUSLY SHOTA, so Canadians might want to skip this one. The rest of you, please enjoy the first edition of Femboy School.


It's about time to make birthday plans, so if any of y'all wanted to meet up at the end of the month, drop a comment saying when's good for you. You know the drill.


Further bulletins as events warrant.

You know that scene at the end of Lord of the Flies, where half of the boys are setting things on fire, the other half is dead or trying not to be set on fire, everyone's half-naked and covered in pig's blood, there are pikes and knives being brandished and all hell has broken or is about to break loose, and then a ship full of refined, well-dressed gentlemen shows up and the boys just stop dead in the shock of civilization? ...yeah, that's about gonna be the scene when Alltell gets the new cell tower built. If they get the new cell tower built. Things are gettin' ugly here.

In other words, pardon my continued absence. Here's some snark, in an attempt to keep the fire lit.


( A Twisted Fairytale, Part 4: 'He's a WHAT? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?' )


We're getting closer to the end. Slowly, slowly closer to the end. Hang in there, guys.

Dap: I talked to (girlfriend) about it and she doesn't like the idea of making fun of what is potentially someone's misguided best effort. We had a long talk about it, but the upshot is I value her more than the snark... I really am sorry. If we have the author's permission, it's all fine.
Del: ...so, how LONG have you been pussywhipped? 'Cause I know I didn't get away with this shit.

FOR THIS PERFORMANCE (AND ALL UPCOMING PERFORMANCES), THE PART OF DAP WILL BE PLAYED BY INKWEAVER. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY LULZ THIS MAY CAUSE.


( A Twisted Fairytale, Parts 2 and 3 )


We've got Chapter 4 halfway done. Bricks will be shat, oh yes they will.

Inky and I are co-snarking a terrible FFVII fic!

Huzzah!

I'm skipping class tomorrow because I need to recover from the fact that our teacher believes that domestic abuse is caused by miscommunication!

...huzzah.

From today's video (in a college class)...

"[Positive energy] is like electricity, y'know? No one really knows what electricity is!"

"No one really knows what electricity is"

"No one really knows what electricity is"

"No one really knows what electricity is"

"NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT ELECTRICITY IS"

( FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-- )


ETAA: New Screencaps of Evermore! I'm seriously close to being on something vaguely resembling a roll, guys.

Pokemon Breeding Guide: You can get a Wyanut or an Azurill by breeding a Wobbuffet with a Lax Incense or a Marill with a Sea Incense.
Myself: So...you breed a Marill and a Wobbuffet together and depending on what incense they're holding, they'll have one of two eggs? Weird, but Pokemon does do inexplicable stuff like this on a regular basis.

After catching two of each type...

Myself: Huh, they don't like each other. Must be bad natures.

After catching a few of each type...

Myself: Must be REALLY bad natures.

After catching a good dozen of each type...

Myself: Gosh, I suck at breeding. I guess I'll leave it alone.

Riding on a wave of sleep-deprived logic, SIX YEARS LATER...

Myself: ...did they...did they maybe mean that...
Ditto and Marill (with Sea Incense): (produce egg)
Egg: (hatches into bouncing baby Azurill) HI MOMMEH
Myself: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Egg: mommeh?


THIS IS WHAT BAD GRAMMAR DOES TO YOU, PEOPLE. THIS. IS WHAT. IT DOES.

oh, Pokemon. will you ever stop being an abusive relationship.

i know i still haven't caught Feebas legit yet shut up shut up oh God I love you shut up

Okay, kids, it's like this.

When I was twelve-ish, I enrolled in Immanuel Christian School (actually Immanuel Baptist School, although all denominations were welcome...except Catholics). It was a basic one-room schoolhouse sort of deal, with very few traditional classes. Instead, everyone was given workbooks and sat at their desks to do a few pages in each every day. I frequently finished early, and rather than do something productive like work ahead, I would read, pretend to check the date on my page-a-day cartoon calendar (instead reading ahead in the cartoons), occasionally try to sneak a nap...the usual slacker bullshit. But mostly, I would write, because it made me look like I was working on something legit if a teacher was looking. I wrote like hell. I haven't counted my notebooks, but there's at least a dozen in my room, some filled cover-to-cover and started again on the opposite pages, going the other way.

When I was fourteen, I diverted the majority of my creative energies into roleplaying. The notebooks were left alone because the writing in them was cringeworthy (actually, the RP tended to be cringeworthy too, but enh, hindsight). For years, they've remained utterly untouched...

...until now.

In the interest of converting my early writing to a digital format, I'm transcribing it to a text document. And in the interest of lulz, I'm snarking the thing in full.

This is terrible shit, guys. Seriously classic stuff. It stars me and my ignorance of what hurt/comfort was, and it wobbles between head-deskingly awful and eye-twitchingly disturbing. I honestly don't remember the majority of what I've written, so it's like reading something by a totally different person. A fanbrat person. A Sue person.

So, won't you take this journey of self-discovery with me? You can make whatever cheap shots you want, and I promise I won't get offended. It's a learning experience! A lulzing experience. A lurching experience. Oh hell I have been up too long.

Y'all don't have to read if you don't want. It's mostly for my own entertainment. Hopefully it'll turn out kinda funny, but I make no promises.


( Let's get this party started. )

Re: Wall-E:

That. Was. PERFECT.

And no, I didn't cry. Shut up.


However:

Old Women: (have a casual chat about something unrelated in front of us for at least five minutes)
Myself: (leans forward) Excuse me, could you, um...please be quiet?
Old Woman Insufferable Old Cunt: Well, why don't YOU be quiet?
Myself: *genuinely shocked/a little hurt* ...
Megan: RAWR JUSTICE.

Later...

Insufferable Old Cunt: *derisively, pointing at a couple of little kids* Look! THEY'RE talking! They're talking!
Myself: ... *unprepared to be made fun of a la third-grade by a senior citizen in public; swearing in head*
Eve: *does something unbearably sexy*
Myself: *forgets troubles*

no I'm not gay. robot-gay. stfu. ignore the icon.


But yeah, most important thing: ABSOLUTELY. FUCKING. PERFECT. Go see NOW.

God, I'm so happy to see Disney on the mend. There really are no words for the warm fuzzies inside.


ETA: Watched it again, this time with Holly and Joe. Cried AGAIN. Dangit, Pixar.

[22:08] seiran79: This guy I'm talking to is an idiot.
[22:09] seiran79: He's not being *enough* of an idiot for me to go off on. He's just boring and he thinks we're alike because he likes shitty shallow sci-fi.
[22:09] Delcat42: Know what I'd do?
[22:10] Delcat42: Act like a Yipyip and refuse to explain myself until he went away.
[22:10] seiran79: No, I'm waiting for him to put his foot in it.
[22:13] seiran79: And he "loooves" David Lynch but can't name any of his movies except for Dune.
[22:13] Delcat42: That...but...
[22:14] seiran79: DUNE IS THE GREETEST SCI FI EVAR.
[22:14] Delcat42: I like the part with the biomech pterodactyls.
[22:14] seiran79: The Rinkworks condensed version of Dune is seriously so spot-on.
[22:15] Delcat42: You were supposed to say "There isn't a part with biomech pterodactyls".
[22:15] Delcat42: And then *I* would say "THEN IT'S CLEARLY NOT THE BEST SCI-FI EVAR".
[22:15] Delcat42: And it would be a BURN.
[22:16] seiran79: I'm following this thread of "I love ____ but can't remember what he wrote/directed" to its logical conclusion of fail.
[22:16] Delcat42: I wanna pet the Yipyips.
[22:16] Delcat42: What other names is he claiming?
[22:16] seiran79: You wanna be a YipYip.
[22:16] Delcat42: I dooooo.
[22:18] seiran79: 22:16] shutupfatkid87: yo'ure kind of a snob
[22:16] Seiran79: How so?
[22:16] shutupfatkid87: nevermind
[22:17] Seiran79: Because I read?
[22:17] shutupfatkid87: no
[22:17] shutupfatkid87: dont worry about it
[22:17] shutupfatkid87: forget i said it
[22:17] shutupfatkid87: if you dong realize that you're a snob
[22:17] shutupfatkid87: im not gonna argue with you
[22:17] Seiran79: Because I don't like the movies you like? That's called "having an opinion and discussing it".
[22:18] shutupfatkid87: like i said
[22:18] shutupfatkid87: nevermind
[22:18] Seiran79: Have you considered that it might actually be that "you're* shallow?
[22:18] Seiran79: Cause that's the vibe I'm getting.
[22:18] Delcat42: Jeez.
[22:18] Delcat42: Permission to Yipyip at him?
[22:19] seiran79: Absolutely.
[22:19] Delcat42: Yipyipyipyipyipyip!

What next transpired was...dare I say it? EPIC WIN.

( Boy, what a SAP he was! )