Sunday, October 17th, 2010

hell, boy, ain't it grand?

So maybe you're wondering what my new room is like. Well, since you asked...

It's something like this )
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Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010

madness is a nuisance, and no one is immune



holy shit how did Windows 7 manage to make MS Paint MORE of a retarded mess than it already was
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Friday, May 7th, 2010

oh yes, yes, practice tuba every day, oh yes, yes, practice tuba every day

Various family-related antics )
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Friday, April 30th, 2010

it's all your state of mind

At the end of the day, you just have to say it's all right )
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Friday, March 12th, 2010

"I don't care so much what you're doing as the idiotic way you're doing it."

Thrilling adventures of the Bumblefuck clan )
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Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

go ahead, you can laugh all you want--i've got my philosophy, and i trust it like the ground

My essay )


And then the butthurt started )
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Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

just a guy made of dots and lines

(Out doing a stargazing lab with Scott and a pack of chicks...)
Myself: (watching clouds roll in over Mizar) We're fucked, aren't we?
Chicks: (gasp and laugh)
Chickdar: Oh my God, I'm, like choking on my saliva over here! That word's taller than she is!
Myself: Yeah, can you tell what I'm doing right now?
Scott: Does it involve a middle digit?
Myself: TWO of them.

Came home and systematically shut down a chick on my English forum who was claiming that 10% of women who have blood transfusions after abortions get the hep. Realized that I take blatant misinformation presented as fact as a personal affront because it's really just intellectual bullying.

Not a bad day, really.


In snark news, update on Vibrator Company, and Inky, Zeiss and I have started in on a new project...Zeiss' description says it best:

First, a bit of explanation. “Femboy School”, as our next project is called, isn’t your average bad porno manga. Well, it started off as one, but the version we’re taking on is an edited (very badly - this thing looks like it‘s been floating around the internets since 2001) version by someone named “Nyar”. All my Google-fu has been able to turn up about this “Nyar” character is one post on an incest forum, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about Nyar. The man has issues, and boyyyy is he happy to show you them. This thing plays out like a cross between a bad femdom story and an equally bad Hawkwind album.

So join us, then, as the Fearless Spork Squad ventures to one man’s private hell, and comes out snarking.

Again, all links are NSFW LIEK WHOA ON SANDWICHES


This is SERIOUSLY SHOTA, so Canadians might want to skip this one. The rest of you, please enjoy the first edition of Femboy School.


It's about time to make birthday plans, so if any of y'all wanted to meet up at the end of the month, drop a comment saying when's good for you. You know the drill.


Further bulletins as events warrant.
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Friday, July 10th, 2009

baby get ready, i'm comin' for you, i'm a vaaaaampiiiiiire

You know that scene at the end of Lord of the Flies, where half of the boys are setting things on fire, the other half is dead or trying not to be set on fire, everyone's half-naked and covered in pig's blood, there are pikes and knives being brandished and all hell has broken or is about to break loose, and then a ship full of refined, well-dressed gentlemen shows up and the boys just stop dead in the shock of civilization? ...yeah, that's about gonna be the scene when Alltell gets the new cell tower built. If they get the new cell tower built. Things are gettin' ugly here.

In other words, pardon my continued absence. Here's some snark, in an attempt to keep the fire lit.


A Twisted Fairytale, Part 4: 'He's a WHAT? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?' )


We're getting closer to the end. Slowly, slowly closer to the end. Hang in there, guys.
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Friday, June 26th, 2009

bobbing and choking and losing the fight in the fog

Dap: I talked to (girlfriend) about it and she doesn't like the idea of making fun of what is potentially someone's misguided best effort. We had a long talk about it, but the upshot is I value her more than the snark... I really am sorry. If we have the author's permission, it's all fine.
Del: ...so, how LONG have you been pussywhipped? 'Cause I know I didn't get away with this shit.

FOR THIS PERFORMANCE (AND ALL UPCOMING PERFORMANCES), THE PART OF DAP WILL BE PLAYED BY INKWEAVER. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY LULZ THIS MAY CAUSE.


A Twisted Fairytale, Parts 2 and 3 )


We've got Chapter 4 halfway done. Bricks will be shat, oh yes they will.
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Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

"you may see this on the discovery channel, but their host won't randomly say 'cuntpickle'."

Inky and I are co-snarking a terrible FFVII fic!

Huzzah!

I'm skipping class tomorrow because I need to recover from the fact that our teacher believes that domestic abuse is caused by miscommunication!

...huzzah.
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Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

i've had enough of this pseudo-zen

From today's video (in a college class)...

"[Positive energy] is like electricity, y'know? No one really knows what electricity is!"

"No one really knows what electricity is"

"No one really knows what electricity is"

"No one really knows what electricity is"

"NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT ELECTRICITY IS"

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-- )


ETAA: New Screencaps of Evermore! I'm seriously close to being on something vaguely resembling a roll, guys.
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Thursday, April 30th, 2009

i know it drains me slowly

Pokemon Breeding Guide: You can get a Wyanut or an Azurill by breeding a Wobbuffet with a Lax Incense or a Marill with a Sea Incense.
Myself: So...you breed a Marill and a Wobbuffet together and depending on what incense they're holding, they'll have one of two eggs? Weird, but Pokemon does do inexplicable stuff like this on a regular basis.

After catching two of each type...

Myself: Huh, they don't like each other. Must be bad natures.

After catching a few of each type...

Myself: Must be REALLY bad natures.

After catching a good dozen of each type...

Myself: Gosh, I suck at breeding. I guess I'll leave it alone.

Riding on a wave of sleep-deprived logic, SIX YEARS LATER...

Myself: ...did they...did they maybe mean that...
Ditto and Marill (with Sea Incense): (produce egg)
Egg: (hatches into bouncing baby Azurill) HI MOMMEH
Myself: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Egg: mommeh?


THIS IS WHAT BAD GRAMMAR DOES TO YOU, PEOPLE. THIS. IS WHAT. IT DOES.

oh, Pokemon. will you ever stop being an abusive relationship.

i know i still haven't caught Feebas legit yet shut up shut up oh God I love you shut up
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Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

a failure played in stereo

Continuing the saga of you, confused destroyer of dignity )
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Saturday, April 11th, 2009

i speak for all of us when i say i understand why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demands

But here's an F-Y-I: You're all gonna die screaming )
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Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

the white folks think they're at the top, ask any proud white male

A million years of evolution, we get Danny Quayle )
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Saturday, March 28th, 2009

i know it isn't easy living here on skullcrusher mountain

So maybe you could cut me just a little slack; what's with all the screaming? )
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teeth are extruded and bones are ground, and baked into cakes which are passed around

Self-Snark Part 2: Exposition and Man-Ass-Whippin' )
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the self-snark project: the life of a mary sue

Okay, kids, it's like this.

When I was twelve-ish, I enrolled in Immanuel Christian School (actually Immanuel Baptist School, although all denominations were welcome...except Catholics). It was a basic one-room schoolhouse sort of deal, with very few traditional classes. Instead, everyone was given workbooks and sat at their desks to do a few pages in each every day. I frequently finished early, and rather than do something productive like work ahead, I would read, pretend to check the date on my page-a-day cartoon calendar (instead reading ahead in the cartoons), occasionally try to sneak a nap...the usual slacker bullshit. But mostly, I would write, because it made me look like I was working on something legit if a teacher was looking. I wrote like hell. I haven't counted my notebooks, but there's at least a dozen in my room, some filled cover-to-cover and started again on the opposite pages, going the other way.

When I was fourteen, I diverted the majority of my creative energies into roleplaying. The notebooks were left alone because the writing in them was cringeworthy (actually, the RP tended to be cringeworthy too, but enh, hindsight). For years, they've remained utterly untouched...

...until now.

In the interest of converting my early writing to a digital format, I'm transcribing it to a text document. And in the interest of lulz, I'm snarking the thing in full.

This is terrible shit, guys. Seriously classic stuff. It stars me and my ignorance of what hurt/comfort was, and it wobbles between head-deskingly awful and eye-twitchingly disturbing. I honestly don't remember the majority of what I've written, so it's like reading something by a totally different person. A fanbrat person. A Sue person.

So, won't you take this journey of self-discovery with me? You can make whatever cheap shots you want, and I promise I won't get offended. It's a learning experience! A lulzing experience. A lurching experience. Oh hell I have been up too long.

Y'all don't have to read if you don't want. It's mostly for my own entertainment. Hopefully it'll turn out kinda funny, but I make no promises.


Let's get this party started. )
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Monday, March 16th, 2009

"oh, kinda reminds me of darwin's theory of natural selection!" "yeah! if you're dumb, ya die!"

Wanted: Competent classmates )
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Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

take a fall, butt a wall, split a seam

Derp derp deeeeerp )
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