Current mood:	thoughtful
Current music:	The Vandals--Fucked-Up Girl

it takes some patience and a lot of sacrifice helping a lunatic get through her life
So Zeiss is getting me into this whole FST thing, and I decided to do one for Yume Nikki. ~zawmg spoilers~ under the cut.

down dog: a Yume Nikki FST in Four Acts


(I understand that some people make their tracklists by the way the music fits together, but I'm much more of a lyrical person, and my mix CDs always tend to have a chronological progression to them. Think of it as the bones of a story. I'm also aware that the standard FST is seventy minutes or less, but who the hell actually burns CDs these days, really? Consider it a chunky FST. Yes I can make up terms like that. In my head. Because no one said I couldn't.)


Act I: Depression (In which Madotsuki is introduced, and wronged)


1. They Might Be Giants--Lullaby to Nightmares
Pretty obvious thematic. Mmyep.

2. Ben Folds Five--Zak and Sara
A kind of prelude. While my own headcanon for Yume Nikki is complicated and casts Masada as a sympathetic music teacher in the school where she was raped, I can see this as another theoretical reality, where he was a close musician friend and she always had psychotic tendencies. About as plausible as any theory, which is one of the things I love about the game.

3. Supertramp--The Logical Song
Madotsuki is led out of the fantasy world of her childhood and into the harsh Japanese school system. I actually only had the Scooter cover of this and don't remember why the hell I was considering it, but when I looked up the original, I realized it was surprisingly apt for the "classic hikikomori" theory. Funny how things work out.

4. Rasputina--All Tomorrow's Parties
While I personally view the Toriningen party as an adorable Easter egg, I know I'm in the minority on that viewpoint. Going theory is that it's based on Madotsuki's being shunned in school, so here's one in that spirit.

5. Lemon Demon--Sick Puppy
One for the "psychotic murderer" theorists. It could also be construed as someone teasing her about her eccentric tendencies.

6. They Might Be Giants--Snail Shell
Madotsuki speaks sardonically to her rapist/bullies/estranged boyfriend/parents/whatever the theory, then stops speaking at all. I may be projecting a little because this was one of my big depression songs after I was kicked out of school and it's connected to a lot of vulnerability and anger, but hey, maybe she angsted to it too. In any case, the snail shell metaphor is apt enough.

7. The Dresden Dolls--Sex Changes
The fact that Madotsuki has gender issues is pretty blatant. This song can be taken at face value for the "FtM/MtF transsexual" theory, dovetails in well with the "abortion/miscarriage (probably after rape)" theories, and can be generalized out to the "rough puberty" theory or anything in between.

8. They Might Be Giants--I Can't Hide
Madotsuki withdraws completely into her house. The traffic references make for a good nod to the various theories about the Stoplight effect.

9. Ben Folds Five--Magic
Real-life Masada, unable to help Madotsuki, says a silent goodbye as he watches her on the balcony. He understands what's going to happen, and understands why it has to.


Act II: Interlude (In which Madotsuki finds fleeting relief)


10. Flash Girls--A New Knife
Madotsuki buys herself the real-life equivalent of everyone's favorite effect, perhaps in an attempt to feel safe from her rapist or other aggressors. This song is apparently pretty rare, since I couldn't find lyrics and was hard pressed to even find the artist. Apparently it was written by Neil Gaiman, though, which is pretty badass.

11. Gigi D'Agnostino--The Riddle (Remix)
A bizarre and upbeat song relates to the strange new worlds Madotsuki is finding in her dreams. ...at least, officially. More realistically, I had to include this one because people thought for years that it was deep and symbolic, when in fact the band made up nonsense lyrics so they could rehearse the music and liked them so much they stuck. They received all kinds of theories about the meaning, including one novel-length explanation--while they were mostly quite good, they were all, by definition, wrong. I get the feeling that this is going to happen to all of us fans someday when Kikiyama finally goes "lol trolled". Also, watch the original video, it's a weird symbolism soul sister to the game.

12. Arkimedes (OCRemix)--Dreaming While I Wake (Shenmue)
Madotsuki escapes into the worlds of her Famicom games, and they shape her dream worlds in turn. I got this remix from one of Miss Zarla's music posts, and I recall her saying that every gamer can relate to it, that we've all used games to escape the hurt in our lives from time to time. It's true, and if the Mother worlds are any indication, it's especially true for Madotsuki. Unfortunately, it goes a little too far...


Act III: Malaise (In which Madotsuki's illness closes in)


13. Sufjan Stevens--A Short Reprise for Mary Todd, Who Went Insane, But for Very Good Reasons
After months at home, Madotsuki is starting to break with reality. She does nothing but sleep, play games, and write in her diary. Her dreams are beginning to take her over.

14. Lemon Demon--Subtle Oddities
Dreams that might have been fun at first are starting to get...strange. Strange and frightening. Light switches that change the colors of a room, bleeding eyes, and a face in outer space? Sounds about right.

15. Yohma: Curse of the Undead--Counting Song
Mostly thematic, but it has the skeleton of a possible scenario in it, and it reminds me a lot of the faceless girls by the river where you get the Witch effect. Lyrics are as follows:
One, it's a love in one night
Two, the two of us go to Hell
Three, even though we kill everybody
Four, signpost for the land of the dead
Four, signpost for the land of the dead
Five, the rain and blood because of the war
Six, just like a dead body
Seven, my tears run out
Eight, a dark night starts to melt
Nine, we shall marry tonight
Ten, our sigh will be painted in red

16. Blonde Redhead—Elephant Woman
While I originally went looking for elephant songs for the Toriningen, I ended up listening to this one on loop for an hour and a half while coloring Ganymede, and ended up realizing holy wow was it ever about Poniko/Uboa. Lyrics are here if you can't get a grip on the breathy vocals. It sounds like Poniko simultaneously accepting her fate, begging Madotsuki to help her, and admonishing the murderous tendencies some players think you have to show to see Uboa ("Why amuse yourself in such a way?"), although that could just be me. Fits in nicely with the various "Madotsuki killed Poniko on purpose/by accident/saw her die" theories.

17. Poe--House of Leaves
Things begin to break down and hurt. The song is actually based on House of Leaves, and Madotsuki's dreamworlds follow the same sort of impossible geography.

18. Unknown--...And Schizophrenia
Things break down completely. This song apparently doesn't fucking exist. I downloaded it off Soulseek years ago as part of a two-track set, the first of which I've misplaced and was titled "God Save Us From (something I can't recall, something I can't recall), Republicans..." I have worked every bit of Google-fu at my disposal and can't turn anything up. I think I found it while searching for either Tom Smith or Tom Jones music, but neither works now. GO ME. Anyway, about as close to a badly broken mind as you can get in mp3 form.


Act IV: Ascension (In which Madotsuki makes a choice)


19. Fountains of Wayne--She's Got a Problem
The signs begin to show to those few individuals that Madotsuki still sees--the grocery deliveryman, perhaps, or someone who watches her on the balcony. This was one of the first songs I went for, largely because the line "She's only killing time" is so pertinent to the game's structure. The effects don't really do anything, and are an arbitrary goal she's set for herself before she checks out.

20. Gary John-Jules--Mad World
Madotsuki tires of seeing the same characters over and over again, and realizes that the closest thing she has to relief is her flying dream. I forget whether I was considering this beforehand, but I found a piece of fanart with the lyrics to it, and it immediately became an obvious choice. Besides the obvious, it also contains themes for her alienation from "normal" children and her schoolmates.

21. The Hush Sound--Out Through the Curtain
Watching the world pass her by from her balcony, Madotsuki makes a decision...

22. Neutral Milk Hotel--Ghost
...and finally leaves her apartment... It had been a long time since I'd listened to this song, and I don't recall why I turned to it, maybe it came up on my Winamp shuffle. Then I looked up the lyrics, and...well, "bawled like a freaking baby" may be an exaggeration, but there were little teeny sobs involved. This is officially my headcanon now. I need it to be.

23. Bonus Track: The Vandals--Fucked-Up Girl
While I didn't know quite where to put it, I like to consider this a Good+ ending, where Masada nurses her back to sanity. I was afraid of him at first because he reminded me of Cartilage Head from Achewood, but he's grown on me so much that he and Madotsuki are kind of a platonic OTP for me...however that works I don't know okay the idea of them in a sexual relationship is just so DO NOT WANT. Anyway, this would work a lot better as a slow, sweet song, but the notes of tenderness are there, and the lyrics can't be denied.


so yeah there's the whole hot tranny mess such as it is a thing. I hope you enjoy it...whoever.