InsaneJournal

Current mood:	blank
Current music:	They Might Be Giants--Whistling in the Dark
Entry tags:	hot tranny messes, shit involving me

we laughed at his little joke and then i happily walked away
A man came up to us and said "I'd like to poison your mind
With wrong ideas that appeal to you, though I am not unkind"
He looked at me, I looked at something written across his scalp
And these are the words that it faintly said as I tried to call for help

One of my classmates gave her speech on spousal abuse today. It was emotional and tearful, and she had to ask us to give her time to compose herself after she told us about the time she tried to leave her husband and he picked her up by the throat and threw her against the door, and after she told us about the three years it took to teach her eleven-year-old son that it wasn't okay to hit women.

Once she was done, Joe mentioned that I might have a few questions on the subject. I hesitated, because I hadn't, I was just thinking about friends and family who had been abused, but I mentioned his previous statement ("Twenty-five men and fifteen women are in spousal abuse counseling every month because of miscommunication"), talked briefly about the psychology of abuse, and frankly stated that it was a false and irresponsible statement and that the worst thing you can tell an abused woman is that her partner can change.

Everyone was agitated, so we took a break. When I came back in, Joe started talking at me, telling me a rambling anecdote about a "highly intelligent" man, the upshot of which is that he hit and "wrestled with" his wife and then went into anger management...

Me: (not liking where this is going) This is an anecdote about a man who hit his wife once and was lucky enough to have gotten better. Most abusers don't and can't change.
Him: I can't believe that. Abusers make a choice to communicate with anger instead of words, and it is my hope that they all can learn about this and learn to change their self-talk to be better people.
Me: (flatly, before I can get more upset) This. Is. Bullshit. Things just don't change like that--
Him: I can't believe that. You may have had experiences which have given you opinions about the situation.
Me: Don't even try to talk to me about my experiences, just...don't.
Him: I'm not talking about your experiences, you're talking about your experiences! You're trying to examine yourself and see if you should change your mind, but you've closed your mind to new ideas and experiences! You need to open your mind to new ideas! You can't stay shut down all your life!
Me: ...

I calmly picked up my things. I calmly left. I calmly sat outside the door upstairs and calmly had a panic attack until someone from another class asked if I was all right. I calmly responded that I was fine, sorry, and calmly had a mobile panic attack all the way to the library, where I calmly managed to wheeze out to Megan that I had to go home, sorry, and told the librarian who asked if I was okay that I was fine, sorry. I calmly panic attacked on the bench outside while she hastily picked up her stuff, then calmly panic attacked my way to the car and sat down until I was calm enough to calmly explain.

Tomorrow, I'm going to calmly speak to a few select people at the school, and hand out a calmly written statement if need be.

In the interim, I am scared and angry and doubting my fear and anger because of experiences and calling a lot of things hot tranny messes.

Calmly.

Considering whether or not to give his e-mail to Wulfie.