InsaneJournal

Current mood:	bored
Current music:	Jonathan Coulton--Re: Your Brains
Entry tags:	idiots, original fiction, self-snark, snark

i speak for all of us when i say i understand why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demands
I pulled at the restraints at my wrists, trying to loosen them even the tiniest bit. Hopeless.

Falcon: Metal is hard :<

Raven descended the stairs with Lukia close behind him. "Come on. Right here," He directed her into place and snapped the cuffs around her wrists and ankles shut.
The room doubled as a laboratory, and Raven was one of the few researchers.

Falcon: Still haven't gotten that grant for a building not clearly designed for humans, huh?
Raven: Maybe if you weren't such a smartass, we would've put you in the control group.
Falcon: I hate the control group :<
Control Group: We have cupcakes! :D

Most of the shadows got guard duty most of the time,

As opposed to some of the shadows getting guard duty some of the time, or most of the shadows getting guard duty some of the time, or some of the shadows getting guard duty most of the time, or FUCKING HELL WHY DIDN'T I EVER PROOFREAD THIS SHIT

PRETTY SOON LATER PRETTY SOON LATER

and aside from their killer instincts, didn't have much brain power.

TEST TUBE GO IN EYE DERP DERP

Raven had uncanny intelligence, which should have made him a born leader by shadow law.

But of course, this isn't a LEGAL prison.

It didn't make sense to me why he was always in the lowest positions,

uke

but I still understood why he seemed to be an outcast among the rest.

So it didn't make sense until it made sense. Brilliant.

The answer was simple.

Blackmail over that incident at the staff Christmas party?

Mercy.

OH IS DAT SUM WORLD'S SMALLEST VIOLIN I HEAR

It was the one thing few shadows had, and a despised feature.

I had heard stories of young shadows being killed as quickly as possible at bitrth because they refused to kill, to hurt, to destroy.

Hell, why stop at birth? Let's hold a puppy against the mother's stomach and see whether or not it kicks it.

Why he hadn't I didn't know, but I did know that he hadn't been born here. He had come as a lone wolf and been forced to join.

Raven: Who are we, from whence do we come, and to where are we going? I am an angst!Stu, I come from Speshul Snowflakeville, and I am going to go angst up some bitches in the hizzouse. Hells yeah.

His flaw wasn't discovered until he could more than hold his own in a fight. Occasionally fights did still break out, especially between him and Rageclaw.

rivalsex

My train of thought ended abruptly when the door opened and a gold-eyed beast stalked down.

Shadow: Oh, I'm sorry, were you done?
Falcon: Hm...yeah, that's all the exposition I've got right now. You're good, you're good, go on.
Shadow: Thank you, just checking.

Raven, who had been busying himself with the truth potion, looked up, startled. "Darkfang? It is you, isn't it? What do you want?"

ffffff REDWALL AND WATERSHIP DOWN COLLIDE. I wonder what this shit would've looked like if I was gay for any books with PEOPLE in them at the time.

"Interrogation of the prisoners has been handed over to me," He said in a cold, military fashion. "Leave the girl to me. Escort him back to his cell, then head back to the walls for guard duty."

Raven: Why? There are, like, four humans around, and three zillion of us.
Darkfang: Someone let loose a patch of Screaming Death Moss. Nasty business.
Falcon: Does it have my eyes?
Lukia: SEE I HAD A PLAN

"But what about--"
"Nightshade himself ordered that the treatments

rape

be stopped."

'cause he's preggers

What buisness is it of yours to question my word, anyway?"

Raven: It's my BUSINESS to question MISSPELT words.
Falcon: oh burn
Darkfang: Do you want your turn in the control group or not?
Control Group: They're CHOCOLATE cupcakes :D

Raven, seething with silent rage

CLAW oh no thank God one less time I have to type that stupid name

, tried to stare down Darkfang. Both shadows had started digging their claws into the stone and realeasing, something like a cat.

i can has purmunent fizzicull and emoshunal skars?

Darkfang had given Raven a direct challenge. If Raven accepted, there would be a fight to the near-death.

Lukia: It's nice of you to do the whole Discovery Channel narration thing for my benefit.
Falcon: My mother raised a gentleman. ...briefly. ...before abandoning him to be horribly maimed. ...oh God, I have so many issues.

If he declined, Darkclaw would hold significant dominion over him.

seme

also even I apparently can't keep these ridiculous names straight

Raven abruptly used his tail to open my restraints, never taking his eyes off Darkclaw.

sdklfakljfkldfjj'afsdj WHAT IS THIS ARE THEY MADE OF TAFFY NOW

Caught off guard, I fell forward, then quickly scrambled to my feet.

Falcon faceplants: 2

"Be careful, Darkclaw," He said in a quiet, yet surprisingly strong voice. "Ending up with the blood of a prisoner on your claws means that Nightshade gets your blood on his."

Darkclaw: Dude, what have you been smoking? We bleed people for Sunday tea. Literally.
Raven: I AM HAVING A MOMENT HERE

With that, he stalked out of the room. Following him, I lingered a moment by Lukia.
"Don't worry," I whispered, seeing a tense look in her eyes.

Falcon: I AM GOING TO EXPLICITLY EXPLAIN TO THE READER THAT SOMEONE IS NERVOUS IN A NERVE-WRACKING SITUATION NOW

"You'll be okay. Just do you best to hang on."

Lukia: Easy for YOU to say, you're going over to the control group!
Control Group: With SPRINKLES :D

I touched her reassuringly and then hurried out of the room. No matter how gentle Raven was, I didn't want to be on his bad side when he was in a bad mood.

Lukia: This is an abusive relationship.
Raven: Don't listen to her, baby! You know I don't mean to hurt you, you just make me so angry sometimes! Also, I get hungry.

But by the time I caught up to him, he barely seemed to notice me. I thought back on his last words. Had they been a warning, or a threat? Nightshade was the kingbeast of the shadows, the most powerful and the most cruel, rarely matched in intelligence.

"He also had a stupid name, but at least it wasn't based on the adjective-noun system."

Humans were so rare that his most important law was that they be kept alive as long as possible. The punishment to breaking this rule was simple: Death.

Falcon: Unless, of course, you were in the control group, which was regularly thinned out to cut costs.
Control Group: lol wut? :D


This chapter is fucktastically long and I'm boring myself, so I'm going to cut it there. Next time: More of the fucking same, plus aforementioned Stu powers!